Sunday, 17 April 2011

Is Music The Food Of Love?

I came across this amusing article in NME about a new music-based dating website that finds your perfect match based on your mutual musical tastes. As a big music fan my dreams of finding a Terence Trent D’arby obsessed nymphomaniac were suddenly one step closer to becoming reality.

It’s not such as an outlandish idea as it sounds. Somehow deep in the inner most fibres of my soul I know I would never be able to have a lasting relationship with anyone who has ever bought a Celine Dion album. That is a scientific fact. Yet, on the flipside I know if I find someone who really likes Stevie Wonder they WILL call to say they love me, know the words “discreet” when a part time lover and be very superstitious and wash their face and hands after I take them to Nandos.

As part of the launch of (shit name by the way) they conducted a survey asking users how far they would go on a first date. Users were given the options of "I’d only meet up for a chat", "Perhaps a kiss" and "I’d go all the way if the mood was right." and then matched their answers to their musical preferences.

No surprise to find that tofu eating Coldplay fans are least likely to get jiggy on a first date and dirty Nirvana fans were the most likely to exchange bodily fluids in return for a momentary increase in their self esteem.

So if music be the food of love what are the best tracks to woo a potential target…I mean wife from the beginning of the date to its grisly climax? Here is my selection:

I’m In Love With a Stripper – T-Pain
The Best Day Ever – Spongebob Squarepants
You’re The Best Around – Joe Esposito
Me So Horny – 2 Live Crew
Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini - Bombalarina ft Timmy Mallett
You Can Leave Your Hat On – Randy Newman
I Should Be So Lucky – Kylie Minogue
I Wanna Sex You Up –Color Me Badd
Cover Up – UB40
Down Under – Men At Work
Into the Groove - Madonna
Theme from Shaft - Isaac Hayes
Jack U Off – Prince
I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do) – Hall and Oates
One Minute Man – Missy Elliot
She Swallowed It – N.W.A
Yummy Yummy Yummy (I’ve Got Love In My Tummy) -1910 Fruitgum Company
Glory of Love – Peter Cetera
I Might Be Used But I Ain’t Used Up – Waylon Jennings
No Sleep ‘Til Brooklyn – Beastie Boys
I’m So Tired – The Beatles
The Theme from Taxi – Bob James

Ladies, I will try and respond to your date requests one at a time.

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